Much like making linen from flax, the process of refinement is messy and, at times, unpleasant. But the result is strong and beautiful. Something I know only God could do. Going through the hardest time in my life, I realized I needed to be the best that I could be.
If you follow along on Instagram, you know that July 5 marked a personal milestone for me...
One whole year of putting myself on the list and making my health a priority –body, mind, soul
To be honest, my “wellness journey” had nothing to do with weight loss and everything to do with survival. The last year was the hardest one of my life, and I knew that to get through the worst, I had to be at my best. So I started to walk. I started walking, praying, and listening to worship music. I knew that God was carrying me, and He was going to build me back up. I started walking because I had to be strong for my family, and sometimes that meant leaving the house so they didn’t see me cry. On my walks is where I spent time away from work and phone calls to just spend time doing nothing but praying and worshiping. At that time, God was teaching me how to be still and I listened to how God wanted to build me back up.
Started going to Orange Theory because I felt like I didn’t know how to work out. Beforehand, I only had walked because I didn't know how to use weights. I was so intimidated. Going to church alone is right there with going to the gym alone. I got a membership with a friend so we went together, then the more I went I started to feel comfortable and now I can go on my own. I just needed the little push to go with a friend, so find those friends, and keep each other accountable. They have taught me how to run, how to use weights and I feel so much more confident in myself because of that.
I started losing weight from responding to the need to be healthy. It was more about breaking bad habits like drinking less Coca-Cola or Starbucks. Before, I wasn't paying attention to calories or sugar. I was just trying to fix and manage things all the time. I started just paying attention to things, like the fact that a salad may be healthy but 5 ranch dressings is about 2,000 calories. There are so many free apps that you can download that can help you learn about calories like My Fitness Pal. Realizing how many calories where in some of the foods I was eating was a game changer for me. I had felt so far gone I didn't even know what was healthy anymore. The thought of feeling too far gone and thinking you're too addicted to stop is such a lie. Because I felt so far gone and I did it.
I eat things now to repair and restore my body instead of what I like and don't like. Eating protein, healthy fats and vegetables in every meal. I cut out Coca-Cola and that alone helped. The bad habits, we all know what they are, can be broken . I try not to eat past 8 PM anymore because that was something I used to do a lot. No processed foods, no soft drinks, but every now and then I'll have a little diet coke fix. I don't drink alcohol so that was an easy thing for me to give up. I started realizing facts about foods that would help my body like watermelon is good for blood pressure, and salmon is good for your heart.
I realized quickly that if I was going to get through this, I had to be strong mentally as well. I found myself daunted and fearful asking a million questions about what might come next. I wanted to handle this next season of my life with grace in the best way that I could. I decided to go to therapy to talk about the big life changes happening. I gained a sense of clarity from this. The fear started leaving my mind and I began to feel empowered, and strong enough to get through this. The biggest game changer for me was the mental clarity I found from eating better and walking. Instead of the fear of this or that, I walked in clarity with insight and wisdom. Fear can hold you back from doing the right thing, so being able to walk in courage was huge for me to lead my family.
I knew who I was as a mother and as a wife, but I needed to discover who Chaz was and who God created me to be. It is easy for moms and wives to want to perfect their role as those things, but not when it causes you to lose sight of yourself - that is what happened to me. I had always been in between a few churches, but I decided to make the decision to go to the one that I felt led to and really dive in during my time there. That meant having the courage and going to church by myself most Sundays, but I learned to love it. That time soaking in God’s word has been life-changing for me.